What My Daughter Taught Me About Being A Princess

Last week, on Thursday, in case you were unaware, was the Jewish holiday of Purim.

Purim is known for a lot of things: from the drunken debauchery to the Megillah (old school scroll) reading where we yell every time we hear the bad guy’s name (think: “Hitler”… “BOOOO!”).

Then there’s also the other thing, the reason people often associate Purim with Halloween (sillies): the dressing up in costumes.

If you’re curious, which I have a clown hat that I just wear every year.  I’m not a big costume guy.

Now, the thing is, that used to not be such a big deal.  No need to deal with costumes.  Your wife does her thing, you do your’s.

But then you have a daughter.  And another.  And at first your wife dresses them up (“Oh she’s a duck, isn’t that so cuuuuute? (It really is, actually)) and you (I) move on with your life because who really cares.

Last year my wife chose a costume for our eldest, two years old at the time, a princess costume.

Now, I know I said I don’t care about these things, but being the lazy husband in this situation, I still felt the right (Nay! The obligation!) to feel uncomfortable with this choice.

I’m not a big fan of “princess culture” in America.  It kind of implies this entitlement, this idea that girls deserve, just by virtue of how freaking cute they are, to be treated like royalty.  A princess, at least in all the fantasy books I ever read, has no responsibilities, no job.  She flirts with boys, if she’s in a Disney movie she refuses their advances until she finds the “right” one, but at the end of the day, she’s a one-dimensional taker.  And, worst of all, she always needs a man to save her.

That’s part of why I love the Jewish conception of a woman: she is not a princess.  She is a queen.  She has responsibility.  Nobility.  She’s been through some crap, but she holds her head high and makes the world a better place through the power of that freaking beauty all women have.

That’s what the story of Purim is all about: Queen Esther saving the freaking entire Jewish people.  Okay, that guy Mordechai had a role and the dudes will try and talk about him, but the Megillah is really called Megillas Esther so let’s be real: the hero is the queen.

As far as I’m aware, there are very few stories about princesses in the Jewish lexicon.  I love that.  Screw princesses, with their entitlement issues and their flirting and their taking.  And, of course, the effect that princess culture has had on our modern society: one in which people in general believe their “job” is to be happy, not to transform the world the way a queen would.

So, all those thoughts were running through my brain as I judged the outfit my wife had bought because I was too lazy to be involved from the beginning.  A part of me realized it would be better to shut up, though.  My queen had made her decision, and she’s got that Queen Esther strength to remind you you’re just a figurehead trying to make it look like you’ve got a real job.  So, as king, I graciously muttered something about princess culture, she smiled and shrugged, and we moved on.

All was good.  My daughter was two years old, after all.  Do they even retain memories at that point?  She’d move on.  Next year, she’d be a queen or a rock star or doctor or a president or whatever else my newly-developed Jewish-father brain was starting to project onto her.

But this is the thing: as the year went on after that Purim, my daughter kept trying to find opportunities to wear that costume.  That princess (Imagine spit coming out of my mouth as I say that with utter disdain) costume.

At first, again, no big deal.  She wanted to tap into Purim again.  I got that.  It was okay.  Lazy father mode activated.  Take a step back.  Drink a beer.  Move on.

But then, sooner than I was ready for, it was suddenly Purim again.  I was/am thirty years old, a man, you see, who has to do more than sit back when the big decisions are made (who am I kidding?), and my daughter was three.

Three years old is a woman.  A big girl, you see, as she reminds me quite often.  The Rebbe had those girl light candles too, do you know that?  They’re big.  They’ve developed beyond what you could possibly imagine at two years old.  They can tell you things they like and don’t like.  They can say things like, “You have so many muscles” (I loved that one) and “What are you watching on your phone?” (Jewish educational stuff, I swear).  They can retain memories.

And, more importantly, they can make their own choices.  They are these self-realized chunks of sweetness who know what they want and demand their way.  With strength, with hubris, with cuteness, they tell you how it’s going to be.

And so our daughter, no longer allowing my wife to just let her pick out a costume, knew before Purim even came what she would be wearing: the princess costume.

The princess costume.

It was tattered and didn’t fit her perfectly because it was a year old, for gosh sake’s, but she insisted.  Princess it was.

Now, to be clear, this isn’t just only some feminist agenda that bothered me.  It was the fact that daughter really isn’t a princess. She’s hardcore.  She has this strong energy, the energy of an “ayshis chayil”, a “woman of valor” who fights for her rights when she needs to, isn’t afraid to ask a child at the playground to come over sometime, who doesn’t exude that “me, me” attitude that I think of princess culture as possessing. The emptiness, the powerlessness.

I don’t see her as a princess.  I didn’t, at least.  It bothered that lazy father part of me that wasn’t going to stop her but who was making judgments and accusations in his brain.

I remember seeing pictures of her the day before at school, with all the other girls dressed as princesses.  Is this who I had raised?  This false image of femininity, one of powerlessness, in which the prince always comes to the rescue?  No, it couldn’t be.

My princess in action

Then we took her to a megillah reading (the one where you yell at Hitler), at her child’s school.  Men and women divided.  On the men’s side, boys in cowboy outfits and knights and whatever else.  The girls’ side: princesses as far as the eye could see.  Bah.

When the megillah reading was over, I walked over to get food with my wife and daughters, and I watched this little girl, this little princess who had betrayed me and my ideals and her own personalty with her choices, and I had a beer and relaxed with the family a bit.

I watched her, that girl, because I love her, even as a princess, G-d I love her. 

And something interesting happened.  Up until now, all I saw were pictures.  I didn’t see my girl in action in that costume, really.  Now was my first taste.

She was giving out “shalach manos”, gifts of candy, to the other kids.  She walked with this confident stride.  This gait of strength.  But she was feminine too.  Walking like I wasn’t used to seeing her walking.  With a little lightness to her step.  A little gentleness.  Something I’m not used to because of the hardcoreness she usually exhibits.

There was this thing happening, and through my beer-hazed mind it started to connect and grow a new understanding of what was happening with my little girl.

She was walking up to every kid with that same confidence she does in the museum when she invites over random kids to her home.  Despite the stream of kids, parents, and psychotic version of both (high on candy or beer), she was not afraid, not holding back.

She was giving out that candy like a friggin’ boss.

But she was also gentle.  She was also sweet.  She was also a princess.

When parents are silly

There’s this thing I’ve realized that parents do: we like to impose our preconceived notions of reality on our children.  We like to think that our judgments of society, all the “revolutionary” ideas we have, somehow apply to a pure being of light without the crap most of our own brains are filled with.

My daughter loves being a princess because she’s a girl, and because she recognizes the beauty of femininity.  She loves being a princess because she doesn’t see a conflict between being a sweet, cute, gentle girl and being hardcore, strong, and confident.

Maybe society does see those as in conflict.  Maybe I do too.  Maybe that’s the problem.

My daughter, I think, has a much more balanced vision of what it means to be a woman than her lazy father ever could possibly have.

Now I just have to make sure I remember to stay out of the way and let her unfettered vision of true femininity blossom in the way it’s meant to.


Posted

in

by

Comments

92 responses to “What My Daughter Taught Me About Being A Princess”

  1. Natalie Kirkman Avatar
    Natalie Kirkman

    Hit the nail on the head with this article. If only MY dad was that cool and accepting. Parents don’t usually get that they have to let their kids be who they want to be, so thanks for being one of the few, maybe on the whole planet, who ever realize that!

  2. what is gold ira Avatar

    So this post honestly made me think! TY-I wouldn’t have seen things this way otherwise.

  3. yeezy outlet Avatar

    Needed to compose you this very small note to finally thank you over again with your splendid suggestions you have documented at this time. It has been simply seriously generous with you to allow freely what exactly most people would have sold as an electronic book to earn some dough for their own end, notably now that you could possibly have tried it if you considered necessary. These suggestions in addition served to become great way to be certain that other people have similar interest really like my own to figure out lots more when considering this matter. I am sure there are many more enjoyable periods in the future for individuals that looked at your website.

  4. golden goose francy Avatar

    After I initially commented I clicked the -Notify me when new comments are added- checkbox and now every time a remark is added I get four emails with the identical comment. Is there any way you’ll be able to take away me from that service? Thanks!

  5. russell westbrook shoes Avatar

    I really wanted to develop a quick note so as to thank you for some of the wonderful information you are placing at this website. My time intensive internet lookup has at the end been paid with excellent suggestions to write about with my company. I would express that most of us visitors actually are very blessed to live in a really good website with many awesome individuals with insightful solutions. I feel pretty blessed to have come across your website page and look forward to plenty of more awesome minutes reading here. Thank you once again for all the details.

  6. kobe shoes Avatar

    Thanks so much for giving everyone remarkably nice possiblity to read articles and blog posts from here. It’s always very great plus packed with fun for me personally and my office co-workers to search your website at minimum thrice in 7 days to study the fresh secrets you will have. And definitely, I’m at all times pleased with all the excellent things you serve. Selected 4 facts in this article are unequivocally the most efficient we have all ever had.

  7. yeezy outlet Avatar

    I intended to write you that bit of observation to thank you again considering the precious things you have discussed in this article. This is simply seriously generous of you in giving easily precisely what a number of us would’ve sold for an ebook to make some money for their own end, precisely considering that you might have done it in the event you considered necessary. The concepts additionally served to be the good way to comprehend many people have similar desire really like my personal own to know way more around this condition. I’m certain there are numerous more pleasant times in the future for individuals that view your site.

  8. fear of god Avatar

    I would like to convey my appreciation for your kindness giving support to persons who require guidance on this particular topic. Your special dedication to getting the message along had become extraordinarily informative and has without exception allowed ladies like me to realize their desired goals. Your personal invaluable advice entails so much a person like me and further more to my fellow workers. Regards; from all of us.

  9. off-white Avatar

    I in addition to my friends were studying the excellent items found on your web blog and so at once came up with a terrible feeling I had not expressed respect to the web blog owner for those strategies. Those young boys were definitely consequently stimulated to read them and have pretty much been having fun with these things. We appreciate you really being simply helpful and for pick out this sort of tremendous things millions of individuals are really wanting to discover. My very own honest apologies for not expressing appreciation to you sooner.

  10. off white clothing Avatar

    My husband and i felt absolutely lucky Raymond managed to finish off his inquiry because of the ideas he grabbed through the web site. It’s not at all simplistic to simply choose to be giving away concepts which often people have been selling. And we grasp we have the blog owner to appreciate for that. All of the explanations you made, the simple website menu, the friendships you will help promote – it’s all powerful, and it is leading our son and our family recognize that this content is satisfying, which is certainly extraordinarily serious. Thank you for the whole lot!

  11. golden goose glitter sneakers Avatar

    Spot on with this write-up, I really suppose this website needs way more consideration. I抣l probably be once more to learn much more, thanks for that info.

  12. bape clothing Avatar

    Needed to write you this bit of observation just to give thanks over again over the pleasant information you have contributed at this time. It has been simply wonderfully open-handed with people like you in giving easily what many individuals might have offered for sale for an e book to make some dough on their own, certainly now that you might well have tried it in case you considered necessary. These ideas as well served like a great way to understand that most people have the same dreams much like my personal own to find out significantly more when it comes to this issue. I believe there are millions of more fun instances ahead for folks who take a look at your site.

  13. yeezy gap hoodie Avatar

    I am only commenting to let you be aware of of the great experience my child obtained checking your blog. She mastered a lot of issues, not to mention how it is like to have a very effective coaching mood to get others quite simply know chosen extremely tough issues. You really exceeded my expected results. Thanks for supplying the insightful, trusted, revealing not to mention unique guidance on that topic to Gloria.

  14. paul george shoes Avatar

    Thank you a lot for giving everyone remarkably nice chance to read in detail from this blog. It’s always very useful and as well , stuffed with a great time for me personally and my office fellow workers to search your web site a minimum of thrice in one week to find out the newest stuff you have. Of course, I’m also always astounded with the cool thoughts you give. Some 2 tips on this page are certainly the most effective I’ve ever had.

  15. golden goose sneakers Avatar

    I was very happy to seek out this internet-site.I needed to thanks for your time for this excellent read!! I positively enjoying each little little bit of it and I have you bookmarked to check out new stuff you weblog post.

  16. comprar stromectol 3 mg en Bélgica sin receta médica Avatar

    I am not sure the place you are getting your information,
    however good topic. I must spend a while studying much more or understanding more.

    Thanks for magnificent info I used to be on the lookout for this information for my mission.

  17. où acheter du aygestin sans ordonnance Avatar

    Pretty component of content. I simply stumbled upon your web site
    and in accession capital to claim that I get actually enjoyed account your
    blog posts. Anyway I will be subscribing to your augment or even I success you get right of entry to
    persistently fast.

  18. fludrocortisone disponible en Suisse Avatar

    Thanks for sharing your thoughts on Feel great with our hair regrowth treatment.
    Regards

  19. Kauf von Mylan-Medikamenten in Frankreich Avatar

    continuously i used to read smaller articles that as well clear their motive, and that is also happening with
    this piece of writing which I am reading now.

  20. Freiverkauf von Medikamenten in der Schweiz Avatar

    I do not even know how I stopped up here, however I believed this post was once good.
    I do not realize who you are but certainly you are going to a famous blogger if
    you happen to aren’t already. Cheers!

  21. Kauf von clavurion in Deutschland ohne Probleme Avatar

    I’m curious to find out what blog platform you happen to be using?
    I’m experiencing some minor security issues with my latest site and I’d like to find something more secure.
    Do you have any solutions?

  22. seretide sin prescripción médica en Quito Avatar

    You actually make it seem so easy with your presentation but I
    find this topic to be actually something that I think I would never understand.

    It seems too complicated and extremely broad for me.

    I am looking forward for your next post, I’ll try to get the hang of it!

  23. golden goose francy Avatar

    Your home is valueble for me. Thanks!?

  24. sominex frei verkäuflich Avatar

    Hi there, just became aware of your blog through Google,
    and found that it is really informative.
    I’m going to watch out for brussels. I’ll be grateful if you continue this in future.
    Lots of people will be benefited from your writing. Cheers!

  25. beclomethasone disponible en farmacias de Lima Avatar

    I really like what you guys are usually up too.
    This sort of clever work and exposure! Keep up the great
    works guys I’ve included you guys to blogroll.

  26. palm angels outlet Avatar

    The following time I learn a weblog, I hope that it doesnt disappoint me as much as this one. I imply, I do know it was my option to learn, however I truly thought youd have something fascinating to say. All I hear is a bunch of whining about one thing that you might fix in the event you werent too busy in search of attention.

  27. kd12 Avatar

    After examine a couple of of the blog posts on your website now, and I truly like your method of blogging. I bookmarked it to my bookmark website record and might be checking again soon. Pls try my web page as effectively and let me know what you think.

  28. golden goose cheap Avatar

    I wish to convey my appreciation for your kind-heartedness giving support to people who really want assistance with this important issue. Your very own dedication to getting the solution around had been unbelievably insightful and has truly allowed women much like me to arrive at their aims. Your personal warm and friendly recommendations indicates so much to me and even further to my colleagues. Many thanks; from each one of us.

  29. kd 14 Avatar

    This is the fitting weblog for anyone who desires to search out out about this topic. You notice so much its virtually hard to argue with you (not that I truly would want匟aHa). You definitely put a new spin on a topic thats been written about for years. Great stuff, just great!

  30. off white nike Avatar

    Spot on with this write-up, I truly suppose this web site needs much more consideration. I抣l most likely be again to learn rather more, thanks for that info.

  31. nike off white Avatar

    There are some attention-grabbing time limits on this article however I don抰 know if I see all of them center to heart. There may be some validity but I will take hold opinion till I look into it further. Good article , thanks and we wish more! Added to FeedBurner as effectively

  32. Medikamente online in Frankreich bestellen Avatar

    What’s Taking place i’m new to this, I stumbled upon this I
    have found It absolutely helpful and it has helped me out loads.

    I am hoping to contribute & help different customers like its helped
    me. Great job.

  33. jordan 6 Avatar

    you’ve gotten an incredible weblog here! would you like to make some invite posts on my weblog?

  34. kd shoes Avatar

    Can I simply say what a relief to seek out somebody who truly is aware of what theyre talking about on the internet. You definitely know how one can carry a problem to mild and make it important. Extra people must read this and perceive this facet of the story. I cant consider youre not more common since you positively have the gift.

  35. Earnest Avatar

    Magnificent web site. Plenty of helpful information here.
    I am sending it to a few pals ans also sharing in delicious.
    And of course, thanks to your effort!

  36. Emily Avatar

    I’m extremely inspired together with your writing talents as
    smartly as with the format for your blog. Is that this a
    paid subject matter or did you customize it your self?
    Either way stay up the nice high quality writing, it’s rare to look a great blog like this one
    nowadays..

  37. Marian Avatar

    It’s really a cool and useful piece of info.
    I’m satisfied that you simply shared this useful information with us.
    Please keep us informed like this. Thanks for sharing.

  38. Adan Avatar

    I’m really enjoying the design and layout of your site.
    It’s a very easy on the eyes which makes it much more enjoyable for me to come here and visit more often. Did you hire
    out a developer to create your theme? Excellent work!

  39. Garnet Avatar

    Thanks for some other great post. The place else may just anybody get that type of info in such an ideal way of writing?
    I have a presentation subsequent week, and I am at the look for such info.

  40. Compra estradiol 2 mg en línea fácilmente Avatar

    I’m truly enjoying the design and layout of your site. It’s a very
    easy on the eyes which makes it much more enjoyable for me
    to come here and visit more often. Did you hire out a designer to create your theme?
    Fantastic work!

  41. ethambutol sin prescripción médica en Ecuador Avatar

    These are truly wonderful ideas in on the topic of blogging.

    You have touched some pleasant factors here. Any way keep up wrinting.

  42. gestone à prix abordable Avatar

    When I initially commented I clicked the “Notify me when new comments are added” checkbox and now each time a
    comment is added I get three e-mails with the same comment.
    Is there any way you can remove me from that service?
    Thanks a lot!

  43. Janelle Avatar

    It’s amazing to visit this web site and reading the views of
    all friends concerning this post, while I am also keen of getting know-how.

  44. farmacia de cytofine Avatar

    Hello, i think that i saw you visited my web site so i came to
    “return the favor”.I’m trying to find things to enhance my web
    site!I suppose its ok to use some of your ideas!!

  45. Compra cymbalta en Bélgica Avatar

    Hi there, You have done a fantastic job. I will definitely digg it and personally suggest to my friends.
    I’m sure they’ll be benefited from this website.

  46. Murray Avatar

    I don’t even know how I finished up here, but I
    believed this post used to be good. I don’t understand who
    you’re however certainly you are going to a famous blogger
    in case you are not already. Cheers!

  47. estrace rezeptfrei in Wien Avatar

    Thank you for the auspicious writeup. It in fact was a amusement
    account it. Look advanced to more added agreeable from you!
    By the way, how can we communicate?

  48. donde encontrar cefspan en farmacia Avatar

    Great post. I was checking continuously this blog and I am impressed!

    Extremely helpful information specifically the remaining phase :
    ) I handle such information much. I used to be looking for
    this particular info for a very lengthy time.

    Thanks and best of luck.

  49. venta en línea de betaxolol Avatar

    WOW just what I was looking for. Came here by searching for
    Male pattern baldness treatment options

  50. cefurox rezeptfrei erhältlich in der Schweiz Avatar

    Good day very cool blog!! Guy .. Beautiful .. Superb ..
    I’ll bookmark your website and take the feeds also?

    I’m happy to search out numerous useful information right here within the
    post, we want work out extra strategies on this regard, thank you
    for sharing. . . . . .

  51. Online-Kauf von raloxifene in der Schweiz Avatar

    I am really loving the theme/design of your blog. Do you ever run into any internet browser compatibility problems?

    A number of my blog visitors have complained about my website not working correctly in Explorer
    but looks great in Firefox. Do you have any suggestions to help fix this
    issue?

  52. antabuse bestellen in België online Avatar

    Just wish to say your article is as amazing. The clearness in your post is just excellent and i can assume you are an expert on this subject.
    Well with your permission allow me to grab your feed to keep updated with forthcoming post.
    Thanks a million and please carry on the enjoyable work.

  53. infórmate sobre el precio del finast bajo receta médica en Lima Avatar

    Do you have any video of that? I’d love to find out some additional information.

  54. prix du biaxin en pharmacie Avatar

    Hi there, yes this article is in fact fastidious and I have
    learned lot of things from it regarding blogging. thanks.

  55. copegus in vendita a Città del Messico Avatar

    Hi there are using WordPress for your site platform?

    I’m new to the blog world but I’m trying to get
    started and set up my own. Do you need any html coding expertise to make your own blog?
    Any help would be really appreciated!

  56. elredin ohne Rezept in Österreich Avatar

    Thanks in support of sharing such a nice thought,
    post is good, thats why i have read it fully

  57. sinepin te koop in Mexico-Stad Avatar

    Highly energetic post, I loved that bit. Will there
    be a part 2?

  58. urofen senza necessità di prescrizione medica a Venezia Avatar

    This is very interesting, You are a very skilled blogger.
    I’ve joined your feed and look forward to seeking more of your great post.
    Also, I have shared your website in my social networks!

  59. hipokinon te koop in Marokko Avatar

    Helpful information. Fortunate me I found your web site accidentally, and I’m surprised why this
    accident didn’t came about in advance! I bookmarked it.

  60. zytefor avec ou sans ordonnance Avatar

    It’s a shame you don’t have a donate button! I’d without a doubt donate to
    this outstanding blog! I guess for now i’ll settle for book-marking and adding your RSS feed to my Google
    account. I look forward to new updates and will share this website with my Facebook group.
    Talk soon!

  61. celostea en venta libre en Bolivia Avatar

    First of all I would like to say great blog! I had a quick question that I’d like to
    ask if you don’t mind. I was curious to know how you center yourself and clear your thoughts prior to writing.
    I have had difficulty clearing my mind in getting my thoughts out.
    I do enjoy writing however it just seems like the first 10 to 15 minutes are wasted simply just trying to figure
    out how to begin. Any recommendations or hints? Many thanks!

  62. ¿se puede tener minocin sin receta médica? Avatar

    Everything is very open with a precise description of the issues.

    It was really informative. Your site is useful. Many thanks for sharing!

  63. dónde comprar ostenel sin receta Avatar

    Excellent beat ! I would like to apprentice while you amend your website, how can i subscribe for a blog site?
    The account helped me a acceptable deal. I had been tiny bit acquainted of this your broadcast provided bright clear concept

  64. Kauf von montelukast als Schlafmittel Avatar

    Just want to say your article is as astonishing.

    The clearness in your post is just spectacular and i can assume
    you’re an expert on this subject. Fine with your permission allow me
    to grab your RSS feed to keep up to date with forthcoming post.
    Thanks a million and please carry on the enjoyable work.

  65. dove comprare dulcolax Avatar

    Hurrah! After all I got a weblog from where I know how to truly take helpful information concerning my study and knowledge.

  66. fluseminal senza ricetta disponibile in Spagna Avatar

    Hello are using WordPress for your site platform? I’m new to
    the blog world but I’m trying to get started and set up my own. Do you need
    any coding knowledge to make your own blog?
    Any help would be greatly appreciated!

  67. procardia disponible en farmacia suiza Avatar

    Hello mates, good article and nice urging commented at
    this place, I am genuinely enjoying by these.

  68. Online-Kauf von cozaar in Frankfurt Avatar

    Hi there, I would like to subscribe for this webpage to take latest updates,
    so where can i do it please help out.

  69. acquista remizeral in Germania Avatar

    Thanks for the good writeup. It if truth be told was a amusement account it.
    Look advanced to far added agreeable from you! However, how can we keep up
    a correspondence?

  70. brahmi kopen in Spanje online Avatar

    Very nice article, just what I needed.

  71. prijs van anafranil zonder recept in België Avatar

    Have you ever considered about including a little bit
    more than just your articles? I mean, what you say is fundamental and all.
    But think about if you added some great visuals or videos to
    give your posts more, “pop”! Your content is excellent but with
    pics and videos, this website could definitely
    be one of the most beneficial in its niche. Excellent blog!

  72. indicatie van cabergoline te koop in Nederland Avatar

    I’m truly enjoying the design and layout of your website.
    It’s a very easy on the eyes which makes it much more enjoyable
    for me to come here and visit more often. Did you hire out a designer to create your theme?
    Outstanding work!

  73. covera disponible sans ordonnance en Espagne Avatar

    Link exchange is nothing else except it is only placing
    the other person’s blog link on your page at suitable place and
    other person will also do similar in favor of you.

  74. nortriptyline senza prescrizione in Italia Avatar

    Hello to all, the contents existing at this web page are
    truly remarkable for people knowledge, well, keep up the nice
    work fellows.

Leave a Reply to Natalie Kirkman Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *