How To Be A Happy Spoiled Millennial

I’m a child of the ’90s. A millenial.

From the generation of self-esteem, where everyone was given trophies just for participating, and we were all spoiled with the best economy in ages.

How ironic.

The Ceiling

One of the side dishes that comes with all this self-esteem, these adult adulations, that super-sexy economy, is that of heightened expectations.

We were the generation where everyone was a 1%er, where to be successful was a given.  Where we would all get into great colleges, be totally emotionally stable, and solve every problem the generations before us had handed over.

I was one of those kids, the ones with the expectations.  For a while, I was just a kid, just like everyone else.  We were playing on the jungle gym, not expecting a thing of ourselves or each other.  And then the next day we were given tests to see where we fit.  I happened to do well on this, the first of many such tests (they called them “standardized,” to imply they could ever accurately describe a child’s potential).

Doing well on these tests was one of the worst things that ever happened to me.

Everyone started telling me I was smart.  Teachers, parents, probably even dogs.  Everyone saw… potential… in me.

The ’90s were that time of self-esteem, but what they didn’t tell you about self-esteem is that it was connected to one simple idea: you (and only you) are not just good.  You are better than everyone else.

That was the expectation of our generation.  Every single person was supposed to be better.  Supposed to be the best.

Now, what this does in a child’s mind is quite powerful.  If you are so smart, and you are the best, then your job, then, is to simply live out what you already are.  There is no concept of growth or change.  Life is about proving that you are the 1%.

And so what our generation’s parents unwittingly did was create a ceiling.  A ceiling which was unbreakable.  The ceiling was the amount of joy we could feel about our achievements, the esteem we could gain within ourselves. The ceiling was not interested in hard work or perserverence, learning or growth, it was concerned with results.  Process did not matter, product did.

And so, when you achieved the expected results: the good grades, the good college admissions, the trophies for actual success… there was no joy.  It was simply what was expected of the 1%.  You had hit the ceiling, which is where you were supposed to be anyway.

And if you failed (defined as not being the best)… there was no floor.  There was no safety net.  Just a bottomless pit that descended as far as you allowed yourself to fail.

This, I believe, is the result of a lot of the angst our generation feels.  I know that it took me decades to be able to decode its effects on my actions, my thoughts, my feelings.

But I imagine, if you grew up at the same time, you know what I mean.  Maybe you feel it too?  Maybe you feel that lack of joy when you finally achieve some big dream of yours, a feeling of, “Well, yeah, of course, now keep going…”  A feeling of, “Just don’t screw it up now.”

And when you fail, do you feel that sinking feeling, like you just found out you’re not as great as everyone said you were?

They call us a spoiled generation, one where everyone thinks they’re the best.  What they didn’t realize what that this belief is what has caused so many of us to believe that we are, in fact, the worst.  Unless we did what was expected of us: getting good grades, getting into good colelges, having amazing careers… who were we?

We were failures falling into the bottomless pit of unfulfilled expectations.

The Floor

There’s another way of looking at the world, one which many of us are starting to reclaim thanks to research by people like Carol Dweck that teach the painful falseness that so many of us live to this day.

Whereas the paradigm of the eighties, nineties, and on until the crash of 2008, was one of a ceiling of joy, of achievement, of growth, today we have started to realize that, in truth, there is only a floor.  And above us, an unlimited sky.

Those standardized tests were believed to be our ceiling.  They were all we could ever be.  Ironically, all that great achievement that was expected of us greatly limited us.  It said: “This is all you can be.”

In reality, everything from the tests to the trophies to the self-esteem, were just floors.  They were where we were all starting.  They were the floor.

Imagine that.  Imagine a world where our intelligence was just the beginning of our journey, not the end.  Imagine a world where our achievements were just markers of a ladder we were climbing that had no end.  Imagine a world where our joy at achieving our goals, where our gratitude for achieving any measure of success, was all added to our life.

The fact is that this is a more accurate life to lead.  We are all given a certain amount of intelligence and abilities when we are born, but all of that is just the floor, the bottom, by which we can build ourselves upon.

Michael Jordan didn’t make his high school basketball team the first time he tried.  So his mom told him to practice more.  And he followed that philosophy until he became the best basketball player in the world.  He wasn’t a natural.  He was a learner.

The Building

We are all creating buildings of our lives.

The immense amount of depression, the addictions (attempts to escape reality), and overall lack of joy of our generation, I believe lies quite squarely in the expectation that we are somehow meant to construct this building from the roof down.

There is no joy in knowing who you already are and trying to just prove it to the rest of the world.

There is immense joy, on the other hand, in building from the ground up.  From knowing that you can be anything with the right amount of work, learning, tools, and community.

Whether our lives end up becoming a cottage, a shack, or a skyscraper, we will always know that we built something with our own two hands.  That before we started all there was was a floor, with absolutely no expectations of what would result.  That every brick laid, every effort we put in, everything we learned, was a complete and utter joy because it didn’t have to be, it was our choice.  And no one can take that from us.


Posted

in

by

Comments

43 responses to “How To Be A Happy Spoiled Millennial”

  1. Jeremy McCandlish Avatar
    Jeremy McCandlish

    Caught on
    >I’m a child of the ’90s. A millenial.

    Wait a second. How old are you?

      1. Jeremy McCandlish Avatar
        Jeremy McCandlish

        Oh. Close enough I guess 😉

  2. Tiiffy Avatar
    Tiiffy

    Yep. Basically me: a millennial recent graduate and unemployed, and disliking it. Well, disliking the title of “unemployment” (and the associated pity, less money, etc.) than the free time.

    But there’s beauty in the process and attempting to learn violin is reminding me of that. I sound absolutely terrible, but I accepted that sounding terrible is okay (i.e. expected) for now. Sometimes one little failure can amount to an overall failure, but it shouldn’t discourage me from being patient, putting in time and effort to be better.

  3. off-white Avatar

    I simply needed to say thanks once again. I am not sure what I would have done without these points provided by you relating to such a subject. It seemed to be an absolute frightening scenario for me, nevertheless considering your specialized style you managed it forced me to leap for delight. Now i’m happier for your advice and have high hopes you realize what an amazing job that you’re doing teaching many others via a blog. I am sure you have never got to know any of us.

  4. golden goose sneakers men Avatar

    There are some fascinating deadlines on this article however I don抰 know if I see all of them middle to heart. There is some validity however I will take maintain opinion till I look into it further. Good article , thanks and we want extra! Added to FeedBurner as effectively

  5. jordan outlet Avatar

    I in addition to my pals came digesting the best information located on your web site and so all of a sudden I got a horrible feeling I had not thanked the web site owner for them. Most of the young boys appeared to be for this reason passionate to read all of them and have now seriously been having fun with those things. Thank you for indeed being very considerate as well as for picking out varieties of amazing guides millions of individuals are really wanting to be aware of. Our sincere apologies for not expressing gratitude to sooner.

  6. air jordan Avatar

    I am only writing to make you be aware of of the fine experience my child developed reading yuor web blog. She learned several issues, not to mention what it’s like to possess an amazing giving spirit to get folks without hassle thoroughly grasp several complex subject matter. You truly exceeded our own expectations. I appreciate you for delivering the beneficial, healthy, informative not to mention cool thoughts on this topic to Ethel.

  7. curry 6 Avatar

    I wanted to compose a word to be able to say thanks to you for the remarkable points you are posting at this website. My long internet look up has at the end of the day been honored with extremely good ideas to share with my pals. I would express that many of us readers actually are really fortunate to be in a very good community with very many perfect professionals with interesting solutions. I feel quite grateful to have used your entire webpages and look forward to really more brilliant minutes reading here. Thank you once again for all the details.

  8. supreme clothing Avatar

    I precisely had to say thanks once more. I’m not certain the things that I would have achieved without the entire basics contributed by you about my area of interest. It had become an absolute horrifying dilemma in my opinion, but observing a new skilled technique you solved it made me to leap with joy. I’m thankful for the work and thus pray you really know what a powerful job that you are accomplishing instructing the others via a blog. I am certain you haven’t encountered all of us.

  9. golden goose pink Avatar

    There may be noticeably a bundle to know about this. I assume you made sure nice points in options also.

  10. fear of god clothing Avatar

    My wife and i felt really joyous when Michael managed to finish off his investigation because of the ideas he grabbed through the web pages. It’s not at all simplistic just to find yourself making a gift of key points that many many people might have been selling. And we all do know we now have you to be grateful to because of that. The specific explanations you have made, the easy website menu, the relationships you make it possible to promote – it’s got all fabulous, and it’s aiding our son in addition to our family imagine that that subject is interesting, which is certainly seriously mandatory. Thanks for all!

  11. bape Avatar

    I and my buddies have been analyzing the good items on your web page and so immediately got a terrible suspicion I had not expressed respect to the site owner for those tips. Most of the women ended up consequently glad to see them and have in effect pretty much been having fun with them. Appreciate your getting really helpful and also for finding some exceptional areas most people are really eager to understand about. My very own sincere regret for not expressing gratitude to earlier.

  12. golden goose sneaker Avatar

    I wanted to develop a quick comment so as to say thanks to you for these superb tips you are writing here. My incredibly long internet lookup has at the end been compensated with reputable suggestions to talk about with my family members. I ‘d repeat that most of us site visitors are quite blessed to be in a superb site with many special individuals with insightful strategies. I feel extremely happy to have come across your entire website page and look forward to plenty of more thrilling times reading here. Thank you again for everything.

  13. golden goose sabot Avatar

    WONDERFUL Post.thanks for share..extra wait .. ?

  14. fear of god outlet Avatar

    http://www.emobiladoro.ro/produs/Camere copii si tineret/categorie/produs/categorie/living-doro-14-pret-oferta-57

  15. Maxjp188 Avatar

    If you are going for finest contents like me, simply
    pay a quick visit this web site every day for the reason that
    it presents quality contents, thanks

  16. golden goose women Avatar

    Spot on with this write-up, I really think this web site wants rather more consideration. I抣l in all probability be again to learn rather more, thanks for that info.

  17. supreme t shirt Avatar

    The next time I read a weblog, I hope that it doesnt disappoint me as much as this one. I imply, I know it was my option to read, however I actually thought youd have something interesting to say. All I hear is a bunch of whining about one thing that you may repair if you happen to werent too busy searching for attention.

  18. off white shoes Avatar

    Can I just say what a aid to find someone who actually knows what theyre speaking about on the internet. You undoubtedly know easy methods to convey a difficulty to light and make it important. Extra folks need to read this and understand this aspect of the story. I cant believe youre no more common since you definitely have the gift.

  19. kyrie shoes Avatar

    Can I just say what a reduction to seek out someone who really is aware of what theyre talking about on the internet. You positively know learn how to bring a problem to gentle and make it important. More individuals have to read this and perceive this facet of the story. I cant imagine youre not more common because you positively have the gift.

  20. hermes outlet Avatar

    After I originally commented I clicked the -Notify me when new feedback are added- checkbox and now every time a remark is added I get four emails with the same comment. Is there any method you’ll be able to remove me from that service? Thanks!

  21. Jamison Avatar

    I got this web site from my pal who shared with me about this web site and at the moment this time I am
    browsing this web site and reading very informative articles at this place.

  22. Medikamente rezeptfrei in Belgien Avatar

    This article will help the internet users for setting up new
    weblog or even a blog from start to end.

  23. youubbe.me Avatar

    Really nice and interesting post. I was looking for this kind of information and enjoyed reading this one. Keep posting. Thanks for sharing. youubbe.me

  24. social signals

    tjdrzajny qwcgn bbgygsx jdqo taanlmlxmxxpktt

Leave a Reply to Jeremy McCandlish Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *