Let My Soul Go

You’ve been unsettled too long.
You’ve been hiding from yourself.
You’ve been running from that inner truth.
Looking the other way, hoping you’d turn back and there would be a different you.

It’s time.
Time to change.
Or maybe…
Time to realize you’ve already changed.

You’re under that rock
peeping out,
hoping no one that matters sees you,
and that you can live your whole life there.

But you need to come out,
into the sun.
Yes, it may rain,
but under the rock there will never be anything for you.

I’ve been hiding too long,
been running from me.
Playing hide and go seek with my soul,
and pretending I was being holy.

How can we be true to ourselves,
unless we are wide-eyed,
looking out into the world with sustained vulnerability,
but a complete, utter, open, awareness.

I stuck my head in the clouds
pretended I was a bird,
that I belonged up there, never looking down,
instead blinding myself, living in a fog.

That’s no way to live.
That’s no way to learn.

Inside, my heart has been beating,
harder and harder,

I tried to harden it,
tried to pull a Pharaoh,
look away, trick, mock,
the inner Moshe,

How easy
to be religious,
but not truthful.
How simple,
to fit a definition,
even if it’s your own, even if it’s rebellious,
than to delve inward, to rebel against yourself.

But at some point the heart will beat harder,
and it won’t be so easy,
Moshe will be knocking on the door to your brain,
and the plagues will come,
hitting your mind,
boils in every thought you have,
blood pouring out of your mouth as you speak, saying the wrong thing, the thing you wish you hadn’t, betraying that inward truth, that inner fear,
your actions like locusts, randomly flitting around, out of control, not determined by logic, but by wild nature.

Until the darkness hits, and you’re totally lost,
grasping, hoping, crying,
wondering why you’re lost, what happened, where it all went.

How much longer can you live like Pharaoh?
How much longer can you heart be hard?
How much longer can you hide?
Before the death comes,
and you’ll be sending your soul out to freedom,
but not through your own choice,
but because your heart screamed so loud you broke?

It can’t go that far.

Seen too many others,
who let the bounds of heart, mind, soul,

Seen too many others,
who hid until the darkness came,
and finally the death, the brokeness.


The soul is speaking through the heart,
and the brain
can be Pharaoh,
or it can be liberator,
the one who speaks, who helps Moshe breathe,
to speak,
to do.

Who am I?
What is my mind?
The heart speaks, it’s time to listen.
And let Aaron out of his cage
to free my soul.

Image by Jose Vega





3 responses to “Let My Soul Go”

  1. Alex Avatar

    Thank you….and especially for making me think of my great-uncle Aaron; I never met him, know little about him, but think of him, often.

  2. HBB CHAI Avatar

    Courage, this takes courage and without Hashem ‘s help it is impossible. So if Hashem is everywhere, our goal is to trust, trust that as we open we will eventually, intuitively know the way to go, the emess, and it will be safe. It must feel safe first, along with courage, it must feel safe to open. It is a process, this journey.
    A gentle reminder to myself and whoever is listening…, it is all good. it is all good.

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