When Rebelling Was The Best Choice I Ever Made

Note: This is part one of  a two part series on rebellion.  Stay tuned for the next post, coming tomorrow.

Pull up a chair, friends, and let me tell you a story.

It was a few months before my wife and I would move from Israel back to America.

And I was in pain.

I had all but stopped going to shul (synagogue).  I was angry, frustrated, with the Jewish world.  With the leaders I had trusted.  With the betrayal I felt I had undergone.

There were rabbis I trusted, rabbis I believed in, who I felt had lied to me.  They seemed like they knew so much!  They seemed like they understood it all!

But it was all a sham.

And now, I was sitting in my living room in Katamon, a part of Jerusalem, and staring at my computer.  On it was my blog, Pop Chassid.

At that time, it was a blog I cared deeply about but hardly updated.  When I did, it was usually analogizing movies to Hasidic concepts.

I loved the blog with all my heart.  It was my place on the web.  It didn’t matter how much I wrote in it.  It didn’t matter that so few people read it.  I was attached to it, and I cared about it almost like a child.

But now… now I hated it.  It was an extension of everything I was so angry about.

For so long, I was careful not to say anything too controversial or crazy.  I wan’t to be buttel (nullified to something greater).  I wanted the words of the Rebbe, of the rabbis throughout history, of the rabbis I trusted in my life, to speak through me.  So I restricted myself.  I held back.  My ideas were rubbish, what I needed was to be a pure channel of light.

But now I didn’t feel that way.  Now I felt that for all that time I had been holding back for no reason.  I trusted people that told me to hold back, and they were wrong.

And as I stared at the screen of my computer, I looked up at my wife and I said: “I need to change this.  I need to change everything.”

She looked at me with a look of surprise and asked me what I meant.

“I haven’t been saying what I really want to say.  I’ve been hiding my true feelings.  I want to be honest.  I want to be real.  I feel so restricted.  I feel so lost.”

She understood what I meant and simply said, “I support you.”

I spent the next few weeks rebuilding my blog.  I searched out for a new design.  The whole time, I kept thinking that I didn’t just want a nice design.  I wanted a design that fit me.  That expressed who I was.

That’s the design you’re looking at today.

Then I meditated on what I wanted to write.  Meditated for a while.  Meditated all the way back to America.

In the meantime, I was starting to feel reenergized about my connection to Judaism.  I went to shul more.  I studied more Torah.  I got back into the swing of things.

I was still bitter about my rabbis.  Still bitter about some experiences I had in Israel.  Still bitter in so many ways.

But reaccessing my desire to write, turning my writing into something that was both mine and G-d’s, freed me so that my happiness as a Jew wasn’t tied to my leaders.  I could abandon them, find new ones, and not feel like less of a Jew.

And when I finally did start writing, and almost immediately my new posts became more popular than anything I had written before, I realized that I actually felt more like a Jew.

And as I let out those painful emotions, even if my readers didn’t realize it, I felt more and more free.  Felt more and more me.

Pop Chassid has led to so many good things in my life the past few years.  It’s led to the jobs I’ve gotten, literally causing me to be more blessed with money.  It’s opened so many doors for me.  It’s connected me to amazing people.  It’s allowed me to be a part of the Jewish arts scene here in Brooklyn.  And it’s helped me access my Judaism in the way I had been dying to achieve.

In other words, G-d has blessed me from the moment I decided to rebel.  From the moment I decided, “Forget it.  I’m going to stop being a mouse.  I’m going to be strong, I’m going to say what’s on my mind, whether it ‘fits’ what others think or not.  It’s about truth, about what G-d wants, not what some rabbis, or rabble rousers, or commenters want.”

And that’s when I realized to be buttel doesn’t mean being nothing: it means being you in the best way possible.

My rebellion was the best thing I ever did.  That moment, sitting in that room in Katamon, was one of the turning points of my life.  Even finding a new design.  All of that was part of the process of me reclaiming my life, my Judaism, and my G-d.


Posted

in

by

Comments

100 responses to “When Rebelling Was The Best Choice I Ever Made”

  1. EBass Avatar
    EBass

    Love this, I have also found that I have had to and still have to shatter many ideas about Judaism in order to find it. I guess that’s fitting, since it was a religion based on shattering preconceptions, going against the status quo and trying to connect to a greater truth. I keep trying to remember this and to balance that with what I ultimately believe in…the dance of reverence vs irreverance and how that can create each persons complex epiphanies and creative connections. Thanks for posting…going through one of these disillusioned times right now, and good for me to remember that I once again have to find my voice and vision in the mix, and be ready for what that might look like even if it’s outside the box (while still being in the room).

  2. Bentzy Avatar
    Bentzy

    Amazing. Elad, thanks so much. For this and for everything you share with us. And through that make us grow, grow to be more genuine. Thank you.

    (Small correction: I wan’t to be buttel)

  3. David Scott Avatar
    David Scott

    I know exactly what you mean, I have been been going through something like this for the past

  4. chrome hearts Avatar

    My spouse and i felt quite ecstatic when John could do his investigation through your precious recommendations he discovered through your blog. It’s not at all simplistic just to continually be releasing tips and hints many people might have been making money from. And we do understand we need you to give thanks to because of that. The most important explanations you’ve made, the easy web site menu, the relationships you assist to foster – it’s all fabulous, and it’s letting our son in addition to the family imagine that this subject matter is brilliant, which is certainly seriously pressing. Many thanks for all the pieces!

  5. goyard bag Avatar

    I really wanted to develop a message to appreciate you for the fabulous tips and hints you are placing at this site. My extensive internet lookup has at the end been compensated with sensible knowledge to exchange with my best friends. I ‘d repeat that most of us site visitors actually are truly lucky to live in a decent place with many brilliant individuals with good strategies. I feel pretty lucky to have used your webpages and look forward to some more excellent minutes reading here. Thanks again for a lot of things.

  6. jordan travis scott Avatar

    I want to express appreciation to this writer for rescuing me from such a trouble. After researching through the online world and meeting strategies which are not powerful, I assumed my life was gone. Living devoid of the approaches to the issues you have fixed all through your main article content is a serious case, and those which may have badly damaged my entire career if I hadn’t noticed your web site. That talents and kindness in dealing with the whole lot was vital. I’m not sure what I would’ve done if I hadn’t encountered such a subject like this. I can at this moment relish my future. Thanks for your time very much for your reliable and effective help. I won’t be reluctant to propose your web page to anybody who should receive guide about this matter.

  7. supreme hoodie Avatar

    My wife and i have been really delighted when Ervin could finish up his preliminary research through the entire precious recommendations he obtained from your very own weblog. It is now and again perplexing to just find yourself freely giving solutions some people have been making money from. And now we fully grasp we’ve got the blog owner to give thanks to for this. The specific illustrations you made, the simple blog menu, the friendships your site assist to foster – it is everything overwhelming, and it’s really helping our son in addition to our family believe that this issue is brilliant, which is tremendously vital. Many thanks for the whole lot!

  8. goyard Avatar

    I just wanted to jot down a remark to be able to say thanks to you for these marvelous hints you are giving out at this website. My extended internet investigation has at the end been paid with incredibly good points to write about with my guests. I ‘d admit that most of us readers actually are really lucky to exist in a fantastic community with very many special professionals with great principles. I feel really grateful to have seen your entire website and look forward to some more enjoyable moments reading here. Thank you again for a lot of things.

  9. kd shoes Avatar

    I have to get across my gratitude for your kind-heartedness supporting people that should have guidance on this question. Your real dedication to passing the solution all over was exceptionally valuable and has enabled associates much like me to achieve their pursuits. Your entire warm and friendly guideline signifies much to me and further more to my mates. Thank you; from each one of us.

  10. off white clothing Avatar

    I wanted to create you a very small remark in order to say thank you yet again for all the incredible tactics you have shared on this page. It was shockingly open-handed with you to supply easily exactly what most of us might have distributed as an e-book to end up making some profit for themselves, precisely seeing that you might well have tried it in case you considered necessary. These thoughts likewise served like a fantastic way to realize that other individuals have the same keenness much like my own to understand more on the subject of this problem. I’m certain there are many more fun occasions in the future for many who start reading your blog post.

  11. supreme new york Avatar

    I have to get across my respect for your generosity supporting all those that require assistance with in this question. Your special dedication to passing the solution across turned out to be quite interesting and have frequently made women like me to arrive at their objectives. The invaluable guidelines indicates a lot a person like me and further more to my office colleagues. Many thanks; from each one of us.

  12. travis scott jordan Avatar

    I precisely needed to say thanks once more. I’m not certain what I might have achieved in the absence of those concepts contributed by you about such a subject matter. It absolutely was a intimidating circumstance in my opinion, but taking note of the very specialised technique you solved the issue took me to jump with gladness. I’m just thankful for your information as well as pray you realize what a great job you happen to be accomplishing instructing many others by way of your webpage. Most likely you’ve never come across all of us.

  13. kd shoes Avatar

    I am also commenting to make you understand what a brilliant discovery my princess encountered studying your site. She came to understand so many issues, which include what it is like to have an ideal teaching character to have men and women completely learn about several multifaceted things. You truly did more than people’s desires. Many thanks for distributing these helpful, trustworthy, revealing and also cool guidance on your topic to Sandra.

  14. golden goose outlet Avatar

    A formidable share, I simply given this onto a colleague who was doing a bit evaluation on this. And he the truth is bought me breakfast as a result of I discovered it for him.. smile. So let me reword that: Thnx for the deal with! However yeah Thnkx for spending the time to discuss this, I feel strongly about it and love reading more on this topic. If doable, as you turn out to be experience, would you mind updating your weblog with extra details? It’s highly helpful for me. Big thumb up for this weblog put up!

  15. golden goose women Avatar

    When I originally commented I clicked the -Notify me when new feedback are added- checkbox and now each time a remark is added I get 4 emails with the identical comment. Is there any method you may remove me from that service? Thanks!

  16. golden goose stardan Avatar

    This really answered my problem, thank you!

  17. judi online Avatar

    Peculiar article, just what I needed.

  18. assignment help Avatar

    I’m gone to say to my little brother, that he
    should also pay a quick visit this weblog on regular
    basis to get updated from most up-to-date news update.

  19. online networking tips Avatar

    Wow, awesome blog layout! How long have you ever been running a blog for?
    you made running a blog glance easy. The whole look of your site
    is fantastic, as well as the content material!

  20. 바이낸스 Avatar

    Hello there, I discovered your website via Googlee while looking for a related matter, your website got here up, it looks good.
    I have bookmarked it in my google bookmarks.
    Hello there, just became aware off your blog thru Google, and located that it is eally informative.
    I am going to watcfh out for brussels. I’ll be grateful when you proceed this inn future.
    Lots of other folks will probably be benefited
    out of your writing. Cheers!

    Check out my web page :: 바이낸스

  21. slot gacor hari ini Avatar

    These are in fact wonderful ideas in about blogging.
    You have touched some nice things here. Any way keep up wrinting.

    Also visit my web page … slot gacor hari ini

  22. Jody Avatar

    It shows your coronary heart fee, retains a trrack of steps you stroll on a regular basis,
    and iin addition reveals the variety of energy burned.

    Also visit my blog post; Jody

  23. culture learning Avatar

    Asking questions are truly good thing if you are not
    understanding something fully, except this post presents fastidious understanding yet.

  24. social media Avatar

    It’s really very complicated in this active life to listen news
    on Television, so I only use web for that purpose, and obtain the
    latest news.

  25. binance futures Avatar

    Great blog right here! Also your site ratyher a lot up
    very fast! Whatt web host are you the use of? Can I get your associate link to your host?
    I desire my web site loaded up as quickly aas yours lol

    Look into my holmepage :: binance futures

  26. golden goose francy Avatar

    I discovered your weblog web site on google and verify a number of of your early posts. Proceed to keep up the very good operate. I just extra up your RSS feed to my MSN News Reader. Searching for forward to reading more from you in a while!?

  27. supreme new york Avatar

    WONDERFUL Post.thanks for share..extra wait .. ?

  28. kyrie 7 shoes Avatar

    This is the fitting blog for anyone who desires to seek out out about this topic. You realize a lot its virtually laborious to argue with you (not that I actually would need匟aHa). You undoubtedly put a brand new spin on a topic thats been written about for years. Nice stuff, just nice!

  29. jordans Avatar

    There are certainly quite a lot of particulars like that to take into consideration. That is a nice level to bring up. I supply the ideas above as general inspiration but clearly there are questions just like the one you convey up the place an important factor shall be working in honest good faith. I don?t know if best practices have emerged around things like that, however I am sure that your job is clearly recognized as a fair game. Each boys and girls really feel the impression of just a moment抯 pleasure, for the rest of their lives.

  30. fear of god Avatar

    I’m usually to running a blog and i actually admire your content. The article has really peaks my interest. I am going to bookmark your site and keep checking for brand new information.

  31. off white jordan Avatar

    Can I just say what a aid to find somebody who truly is aware of what theyre speaking about on the internet. You positively know the best way to convey a difficulty to gentle and make it important. More individuals need to read this and perceive this aspect of the story. I cant believe youre no more popular since you definitely have the gift.

  32. kyrie 8 Avatar

    Would you be curious about exchanging links?

  33. slot jakjp Avatar

    I quite like reading through an article that will make people think.

    Also, thanks for allowing me to comment!

  34. koko188 Avatar

    It’s a shame you don’t have a donate button! I’d without a
    doubt donate to this superb blog! I suppose for now i’ll
    settle for bookmarking and adding your RSS feed to my Google account.
    I look forward to fresh updates and will talk about this blog with my Facebook
    group. Chat soon!

  35. slot gacor889 Avatar

    If some one desires to be updated with newest technologies afterward he must be pay a
    quick visit this site and be up to date everyday.

  36. dinas138slot Avatar

    I am not sure where you are getting your info, but great topic.
    I needs to spend some time learning more or
    understanding more. Thanks for great info I was looking for this info for my
    mission.

  37. Hallo Belitung Tour Avatar

    Thank you, I have recently been looking for info about this topic for a long time and
    yours is the greatest I’ve found out till now. But, what about the bottom line?
    Are you positive about the source?

  38. 바이낸스 수수료 할인 Avatar

    Admiring the persistence you put into your site and detaiked information you present.
    It’s good to come across a blog every once inn a while that isn’t the
    same old rehashed information. Excellent read!
    I’ve saved your site and I’m adding your RSS feeds to my Google account.

    My blog :: 바이낸스 수수료 할인

  39. belitung tours Avatar

    Great site you have here but I was wondering if you knew of any message boards that cover the same topics talked about in this article?

    I’d really love to be a part of community where I can get opinions from other
    experienced individuals that share the same interest.
    If you have any suggestions, please let me know.
    Appreciate it!

  40. Trip Belitung Tour Avatar

    Hi there, just became alert to your blog through
    Google, and found that it’s truly informative.

    I’m going to watch out for brussels. I will be grateful if you continue this in future.
    A lot of people will be benefited from your writing. Cheers!

  41. Rodger Avatar

    Howdy! This article could not be written much better!

    Going through this post reminds me of my previous roommate!
    He constantly kept talking about this. I am going to forward this post to him.

    Fairly certain he will have a good read. Thank
    you for sharing!

  42. Malorie Avatar

    Thanks for the marvelous posting! I seriously enjoyed reading it, you are a great author.I will remember to bookmark your blog and will often come back from now on. I want to encourage you to
    ultimately continue your great writing, have a nice evening!

  43. Tamera Avatar

    I want to to thank you for this excellent read!! I absolutely enjoyed every bit
    of it. I’ve got you book-marked to check out new things you post…

  44. Compra tadalis en Bélgica con indicación de venta en Marruecos Avatar

    whoah this blog is wonderful i like reading your posts. Stay up the good work!
    You already know, many people are looking around for this info, you can aid
    them greatly.

  45. Bestellung von Medikamenten in Belgien Avatar

    Nice blog here! Also your web site loads up fast!

    What host are you using? Can I get your affiliate link to your host?
    I wish my web site loaded up as quickly as yours lol

  46. Preis für oravir 250 mg mit ärztlicher Verschreibung in Wien erfragen Avatar

    Excellent site you have here.. It’s difficult
    to find quality writing like yours nowadays. I seriously
    appreciate people like you! Take care!!

  47. glimepiride zonder nadelige effecten in Nederland Avatar

    This is my first time pay a visit at here and i am actually pleassant
    to read everthing at single place.

  48. veramix online te bestellen Avatar

    Informative article, totally what I needed.

  49. real cams show Avatar

    Watch blonde chicks live in activity Are you seeking ravishing blonde chicks? Well, youre pretty much in luck because Blonde cams are live now!

  50. algix en venta libre en La Paz Avatar

    Hey there would you mind sharing which blog platform you’re using?
    I’m looking to start my own blog soon but I’m having a hard time making
    a decision between BlogEngine/Wordpress/B2evolution and Drupal.
    The reason I ask is because your design seems different then most blogs and I’m looking
    for something unique. P.S Apologies for being off-topic but I had to ask!

  51. achat leflunomide à Marseille Avatar

    Every weekend i used to pay a quick visit this website, for the reason that i want enjoyment, for the reason that
    this this web page conations actually good funny data too.

  52. waar careprost te kopen Avatar

    I’m gone to convey my little brother, that he should also pay
    a quick visit this blog on regular basis to get
    updated from newest information.

  53. indicación de spiroctazide en venta en Marruecos Avatar

    Hello! Someone in my Myspace group shared this website with us so I came to look it over.
    I’m definitely loving the information. I’m book-marking and will be tweeting this to my followers!
    Fantastic blog and excellent design.

  54. talopram Kauf in München Avatar

    Howdy very nice website!! Guy .. Excellent .. Amazing .. I
    will bookmark your website and take the feeds also? I’m happy to find numerous helpful info here within the
    post, we want develop extra strategies in this regard, thank
    you for sharing. . . . . .

  55. puedo comprar isotretinoin sin receta en Medellín Avatar

    Greetings! Very helpful advice within this article!

    It’s the little changes that will make the most important
    changes. Thanks for sharing!

  56. Verschriebenes nifedipine auf Rezept Avatar

    Hey there would you mind letting me know which webhost
    you’re using? I’ve loaded your blog in 3 different internet browsers and I must say this blog loads a lot quicker then most.
    Can you recommend a good web hosting provider at a reasonable price?
    Thank you, I appreciate it!

  57. aankoop van triamcinolone in Spanje Avatar

    Write more, thats all I have to say. Literally, it seems as though
    you relied on the video to make your point.
    You definitely know what youre talking about, why throw away
    your intelligence on just posting videos to your weblog when you could be
    giving us something informative to read?

  58. Philipp Avatar

    Whats up very cool website!! Guy .. Excellent .. Amazing ..
    I’ll bookmark your web site and take the feeds also?
    I am satisfied to seek out a lot of useful information right here
    in the submit, we want develop more techniques on this regard, thank you
    for sharing. . . . . .

  59. Medikamente in Belgien leicht kaufen Avatar

    We’re a bunch of volunteers and starting a new scheme in our community.

    Your website provided us with useful info to work
    on. You’ve done a formidable job and our whole community might be thankful to you.

  60. ceftin pedido en Madrid Avatar

    Link exchange is nothing else however it is just placing
    the other person’s weblog link on your page at proper place and other person will also do same in favor of you.

  61. syeda sin efectos indeseables Avatar

    I do trust all of the ideas you’ve presented for your post.
    They’re really convincing and can certainly work. Nonetheless, the posts are too quick for beginners.
    May you please lengthen them a bit from subsequent time?
    Thank you for the post.

  62. omnicef vente libre en Suisse Avatar

    You need to take part in a contest for one of the most useful sites on the web.
    I most certainly will recommend this site!

  63. Margareta Avatar

    Great information. Lucky me I came across your blog by chance (stumbleupon).
    I’ve bookmarked it for later!

  64. comprar eskalith en Montreal Avatar

    Fascinating blog! Is your theme custom made or did you download it from somewhere?
    A design like yours with a few simple tweeks would really make my blog jump out.
    Please let me know where you got your theme.

    With thanks

  65. Hyman Avatar

    Have you ever considered about including a little bit more than just your articles?
    I mean, what you say is fundamental and everything. Nevertheless think about
    if you added some great visuals or video clips to give your posts more, “pop”!

    Your content is excellent but with pics and clips, this blog could
    certainly be one of the very best in its field. Fantastic
    blog!

  66. zakup mesalazine online w Gdańsku Avatar

    You can definitely see your skills in the work you write.

    The sector hopes for more passionate writers such as you who are not afraid to
    mention how they believe. Always follow your heart.

  67. dutasteridum pedido en España Avatar

    Hi everyone, it’s my first go to see at this web site, and paragraph is genuinely fruitful for me, keep up posting these types of articles or reviews.

  68. prezzo di estradiol Avatar

    Nice answer back in return of this query with solid arguments and explaining all concerning that.

  69. prezzi di montelukast a Verona Avatar

    What’s up to every , since I am truly eager of reading this blog’s post to be updated daily.
    It carries nice material.

  70. Malissa Avatar

    I believe that is among the such a lot significant info for me.

    And i am satisfied reading your article. However want to remark on few common things, The web site taste
    is perfect, the articles is really great : D.
    Good task, cheers

  71. Koop unisom in Brugge Avatar

    Why visitors still make use of to read news papers when in this technological world everything is
    presented on net?

  72. biaxin con o senza prescrizione in Francia Avatar

    Thanks to my father who informed me regarding this blog, this weblog is really amazing.

  73. achat de coumadin en Belgique Avatar

    May I just say what a comfort to find an individual who really knows what they’re
    talking about over the internet. You actually understand how
    to bring an issue to light and make it important. More and more people really need to check this out and
    understand this side of the story. I was surprised you aren’t more popular given that you definitely
    have the gift.

  74. prezzo di relokap ad Amsterdam Avatar

    Asking questions are in fact pleasant thing if you are not understanding something entirely,
    except this piece of writing gives nice understanding yet.

  75. berkah belitung tours Avatar

    always i used to read smaller articles or reviews which also clear their motive, and that is also happening with this post which I
    am reading here.

  76. zyrtec farmacia en Camerún Avatar

    Whoa! This blog looks just like my old one! It’s on a entirely different subject but it has pretty much the same page
    layout and design. Great choice of colors!

  77. trusted casino Online Avatar

    Develop your battery with a customized back cover that houses an expansion battery to work with your existing one.

    Take a look at my web-site:trusted casino Online

  78. is het mogelijk om curretab zonder recept te krijgen in Genève Avatar

    Good day! This is my first visit to your blog!
    We are a team of volunteers and starting a new initiative in a
    community in the same niche. Your blog provided us beneficial
    information to work on. You have done a wonderful job!

  79. adapalene online ohne Rezept in Deutschland Avatar

    You are so cool! I do not suppose I have read
    something like this before. So good to discover someone with
    a few original thoughts on this subject. Really.. thank you for starting this up.
    This web site is one thing that’s needed on the internet, someone with
    a little originality!

  80. Tyson Avatar

    With havin so much written content do you ever run into
    any problems of plagorism or copyright infringement? My site has
    a lot of completely unique content I’ve either written myself or outsourced but it looks like a lot of it is popping it up all over
    the web without my agreement. Do you know any solutions to help stop content from being stolen?
    I’d truly appreciate it.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *